Impersonator Jingles Cd
4 in stock
A twin CD set featuring comedy and straight impressions in every situation imaginable that would appeal to the DJ, mixer or producer.
One of the most novel CD's ever released. A brilliant concept that has appeal to almost every kind of DJ or presenter.
Two CD Set - 198 Tracks
- Features classic and unique impressions
- Impressions of the celebrity's classic lines
- Designed for DJ's and mix producers.
- A section for Karaoke jock's
- Ultimate's most successful product ever
- Features the voice of the real Jim Bowen!
- Many unique environments Cool Cuts, Classic Clichés Jingles, Samples, & more
Imagine Victor Meldrew doing 'Hey DJ Where's The Bloody Bass?!' or Frank Spencer going 'Ohhh Wicked!', or Doctor Ruth going 'This Show Is All About Having An Orgasm' or having Inspector Cleassou & Kato Opening your show or Basil Fawlty closing it! Get The Idea?
Features impressions of Victor Meldrew, Margaret Thatcher, Rolf Harris, Ruby Wax, Sean Connery, Princess Diana, and many more, from the most respected impressionists in the business.
The discs break the sections down into very useful sub sections, the best way to see exactly what this is about is to look through the tracklisting.
The huge variety and ingenuity of IMPERSONATOR has resulted in it being the most successful disc Ultimate have ever produced.
Two CD Set - Tracklisting
COMPACT DISC ONE
- DEMO - IMPERSONATOR IN USE
This track gives an example of this disc's uses in related sample sequences.
The lines and samples from dance music, all as the character would have said it
- Victor Meldrew Hey DJ where's the bloody bass?
- Margaret Thatcher We're gonna do a song that you've never heard before
- Michael Caine Dance while the record spins
- The Queen I think I'd better dance now
- Arkwright Pump up the volume
- Vincent Price Bass, how low can you go?
- The Queen Let it Roll, Get Bold
- Marilyn Monroe Feel the beat, C'mon
- Winston Churchill Boom Boom Boom, let me hear you say Whayo!
- Mystic Meg Take your mind to another dimension
- Marilyn Monroe Let's do it
- Roger Moore Everybody Shake your body
- Jerry Hall Why don't you move damn it
- David Attenborough Booyakka Booyakka
- Lloyd Grossman OK Party people in the house
- Dolly Parton How d'y'all feel out there
- Ian Paisley Back once again the renegade master power to the people
- Alf Garnett Brothers and Sisters ....
- Jack Nicholson We gonna get you
- Dolly Parton Can I get some funky bass
- David Attenborough Once again, back is the incredible
- Margaret Thatcher Get down and Party
- Humphrey Bogart Get out on this dance floor
- Pamela Anderson I wanna rock right now!
- Parker - Thunderbirds Get down and Party
- Bianca Take it to the bridge, will ya
- Pamela Anderson Rock Da House
- Terry Wogan This song is not a rebel song
- Marilyn Monroe Mmm...Got a hot one for you
- Princess Diana I like to move it, move it
- Margi Clarke Hey girls, how do they do that?
- Hannibal Lector Here comes the hotstepper
- Margaret Thatcher I won't stop rocking until the last sucker drops
- John Wayne Dance, you got the chance
- Betty Boothroyd Order! - Everybody in the house - rock the party
- Frank Spencer Oohh Wicked!
- Fergie How y'all feel out there?
- David Bellamy Underground is where we wanna go movin' house the crowd
- Tommy Cooper Get raw with the fever on the dance floor
The lines of songs new and old that are timeless and remembered by all
- Princess Diana I Will Survive
- Del Boy and Grandad She's Got That Vibe
- Claire Rayner Always Look On The Bright Side of Life
- Tommy Cooper Do you Love Me
- Barry Norman Dub Be Good To Me
- Zippy from Rainbow Vogue
- Hyacinth Bucket Back To The Sixties
- Muppet Whoomp (There It Is)@130 BPM
- Princess Diana Cottoned Eyed Joe
- Edina- Absolutely Fabulous White Lines
- Joan Rivers Staying Alive
- Patrick Moore Timewarp Rap@124 BPM
Stars and celebrity's with the lines that made them famous.
- Victor Meldrew I don't believe it!
- Inspector Cleauseau This is Chief Inspector Cleauseau of the law
- Joan Rivers Oh what a bow wow
- Sean Connery Vodka Martini, Shaken not Stirred
- Marlon Brando This is not personal, it's strictly business
- Windsor Davies Shuuuut Uppp!
- Margaret Thatcher There will be no U turn in policy. There is no alternative
- Hyacynth Bucket It's Bucket. BUCKET
- Tommy Cooper Just like that, ahaahah
- Michael Caine Not a lot of people know that
- Jimmy Saville Now then, how's about that then. Let's see if we can fix it for you
- The Queen One is not amused
- Joan Rivers Oh oh listen can we talk?
- Lloyd Grossman But who would live in a house like this?
- John Cleese Right that's it if you don't start this time I'm gonna give you a damn good thrashing
- Humphrey Bogart Out of all the bars, in all the world, and in all of town, you have to walk into mine, Play it again Sam
- Michael Caine Don't worry lads, I've got an idea. You're only 's'posed blow the bloody doors off!
- Mae West Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
- Jim Bowen Super Smashing Lovely Great, Come and have a look at what you would have won
- Winston Churchill Never in the field of human conflict, has so much been owed by so many to so few
- Harold Steptoe You dirty old man
- Clarke Gable Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn
- Cilla Black Surprise Surprise. What a lorra lorra fun
- Mae West Why don't you come up and see me sometime
- Windsor Davies You is a bunch of poofs!
- Hyacynth Bucket The Bucket residence. The lady of the house speaking
Contains material of an adult nature
- Arkwright We don't need your type round here so just F FF Piss Off
- Ronald Reagan I believe in talking straight, Fuck Off you Russian Wankers
- Victor Meldrew My God man, will you please shut up (aside) tut! Wanker!
- Prince Charles Basically my wife is a right royal slag
- Italian You come over to my country you drink my wine, you eat my food - I fuck your wife
- Arkwright Well, you know you make me wanna Sh Sh Sh Sh Sh ... oh shit
- Jim Bowen Who gives a shit who the fuck Alice is?
- The Queen One is rather pissed off
- Ronald Reagan Err, Err, Nancy, I don't think you're supposed to blow!
- Michael Caine Don't point that fucking spear at me
- Arkwright I bet she's a good f f f f f friend to somebody ....long pause... (un-stuttered) good fuck too
- Prince Charles Er,h,err,uhm,errr, Wanker.
- Jack Nicholson Ain't I the fucking Asshole
- Sammy the Slammer, had a terrible stammer Bad breath and a terrible cough,
When he asked the DJ For a record to play The DJ replied f.f.f.f.ffuck off
Rude Jokes and Sketches
A brief selection of humour
- Lady Penelope with Parker Parker? Yes, M'Lady. Shut the fuck Up, Parker Yes, M'Lady
- Cilla Black Well John, you've turned down No. 1, the lovely Susan from Dorset, who's a model for Anne Summers, what a shame / 'Well Johnny boy we could have had a steaming time' And you also turned down No. 3, that's our Maria, the air hostess from Bedfordshire 'Missed the chance to ride high with me Johnny' Oh but John, here she is, the girl you choose, it's No.2, that's our Samantha, the brain surgeon from Cheshire-'Hello'- Oh Chuck!.
- Marcel Marceau (Wild orgy with 3, bi-sexual sado-machocistic, nymphomaniacs)
- David Attenborough / Windsor Davies. David Attenborough in a whispered voice Watching this modern suburban nightclub we try as hard as possible to keep quiet. We can just catch a glimpse of that most unusual of species, the Doormanus Smartsuiticus and (pause) and if we listen very carefully, you can just make out this unique communication technique.... This room is full of poofta's, and I'm not having it Laddyboy. Can you say poofta's these days?
- Patrick Moore Announcer - And now on BBC2, Course 7354 of the Open University Course of applied astronomy. Patrick Moore - The crossing of Venus and Pluto is very significant because this surely means that an equinox will be apparent if viewed ten degrees to the left latitude of Uranus SFX of record Scratch Irish VO- Fuck off
- Clint Eastwood This is a Magnum 44, the most powerful hand gun in the world. And this is a white chocolate Magnum, the best ice scream in the world ... probably.
- Alan Wicker When you come out for a drink, there are certain benefits to be had here. Not only can you buy your drinks on your Barclaycard, but the Barmaids accept it for, shall we say, personal services. Barclaycard, don't get laid without it
COMPACT DISC TWO
Classic Song Intro Lines
The first lines to classic songs performed by a particularly suitable character.
- Windsor Davies I'm the leader of the gang
- David Attenborough Do wah diddy
- Arkwright Shout
- Princess Diana Wiggle it, just a little bit
- Queen Oops upside your head
- Boycey. I'm too sexy for my love
- Alan Wicker Blame it on the boogie
- Margi Clarke Don't stop till you get enough
- Vincent Price Let's twist again
Comedy Limerick Inserts
A selection that can break the ice.
- Prince Charles
They say my Diana's a little raver
And a rugby man, did, well, make her quaver
She told me in haste That he was not to her taste
But darling, Carling's brewed for a fuller flavour
- The Queen
Through recent events, my family have split
We married them off, but they just didn't fit
We gave each of them loot Which ended up down the shoot
And now to be honest, they make me quite sick ..... bloody difficult these limericks.
- Victor Meldrew
How is this infernal racket a hit?
I really can't stand it one bit!
Every track sounds alike
So gimme that mic and I'll say I don't believe it!
- Ringo Starr
Gordon said to Thomas the Tank
'Thomas my boy, can I be frank?'
When you roll over For the Fat Controller
You look like you're having a ... jolly good time
- Roger Moore
Miss Money Penny I've heard
That you're not very easily petered
Though I'm licensed to kill And what you're doing's a thrill
I like mine shaken not stirred
- Ye Olde English Once more unto the breech dear friends
- Sexy French Female Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir?
- Welsh Male Hello. How you going boyo? It's good here enit?
- Irish Male Top of the mornin' to ya! Be Jesus, Mary and Joseph - Will you look at that!
- Scottish Female There's plenty more where that came from
- Scottish Male I know this machine like the back of my hand captain ... (to SFX of bang, crash wallop)
- West Country I can't read and I can't write but that don't really matter, 'cause I come from the west country and I can drive a tractor
- Geordie Whyeye man, where you going now?
- Brummie All right there mate, We wanna be together
Through the night Situations
A wealth of material for events that occur throughout a typical gig.
Start of the Night
Idents to introduce the start of the night.
- Inspector Cleaseau Welcome to tonight's entertainment, on behalf of your disc jockey person, I would like to wish that you all have a good time, I shall personally ensure myself that everything runs according to plan just as long as I can keep Kato under control. Hello Kato Here. Not now Kato you fool not now! (SFX of bangs, crashes, wallops) Oh well I shall have to clean up all this mess, whilst the disc jockey person carries on, now come here Kato, Come Here
- Doctor Ruth This is my sex phone in show
- John Cleese as Basil Fawlty Okay, If everyone can keep off the dance floor please, yes ... thank you. We're not ready to start, but when we are, we'll let you know, all right. So if you can just contain yourself a little while longer. We do have lavatorial facilities if you need to believe your excitement prior to the official opening of the dance floor. Thank you.
- Cilla Black Yes you thought you were coming to some other function, but tonight is your party, Surprise Surprise
- Humphrey Bogart Out of all the parties, in all of town, and all the world, you have to walk into mine play it again Sam
- Ruby Wax Welcome to my show
- John Anderson Are you ready....3, 2, 1.
- Doctor Ruth This show is all about having an orgasm
- Sean Connery Q warned me there could be trouble, but I was expecting a box of tricks, not a room full of pricks
- Mystic Meg This week I predict you will be entertained by a man. He will be an expert in modern music, as well as having a good knowledge of party hits from years gone by. He will be the type who aims to entertain all his audience, and I predict that tonight will be an outstanding success.
- Jim Bowen Let's check out tonight's music on Bully's Prize Board
In One - That's the 1960's
In Two - That's alternative dance
In Three - It's Rock and Roll from the fifties
In Four - That's current charts and dance
In Five - It's the 1980's
In Six - It's classic disco and dance
In Seven - It's the smoochy selection
In Eight - It's the party section
And Bully's star prize, Brotherhood of Man's greatest hits
When you need a track to defend your opinion on the volume level.
- John Cleese as Basil Fawlty All right Sybil, Yes Okay Sybil, heard you the first time, yes I'll turn it down (aside) You.
miserable old boot
- John Cleese as Basil Fawlty What do you mean it's too loud and noisy? Any quieter and we'll have to do the disco in sign language
- John Wayne Turn it down, the hell I will
- Margaret Thatcher I know some people would like to listen to a different type of music, or have it a little quieter but I have to say there really is no alternative
- Betty Boothroyd Order! Order! Will the right honourable gentlemen shut the hell up!
Initiations for a request, and the replies if you didn't want any!
- John Wayne Requests? The hell I will
- Joan Rivers Listen there's no need to be shy, simply come up and ask for a request, we can talk
- Arkwright If you're going to ask for requests, please speak slowly and clearly
The End of The Night
Finish in style and be remembered.
- Basil & Sybil Fawlty Conversational closer.
- Clint Eastwood Are you feeling lucky punk? I know what you're thinking, have I played five or have I played six? Well in all the confusion, I've lost count myself. So what's it gonna be, the end, or one last record?
- The Queen God bless you all
- Poison Pierce OK let's be having you, it's one minute past, so let's have you out now as quickly as possible, please. Don't worry about your personal belongings, you haven't time for that, just make your way to the nearest available exit in an orderly manner. Some of us have a designated time to finish our shift and leave you know
- Victor Meldrew For Goodness sake. Haven't you people got homes to go to?
- Julian Clary Well I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight. You can collect a tissue on the way out
- John Wayne The Party's over. Saddle up the old nag and ride her home
Links and Bridges
- Windsor Davies Get out of your seat, and get with the beat. Was that okay for all them there poofta's?
- Victor Meldrew My god man just play the damn song
- Nana Mouskouri Hello, this is Banano Mousaka here and I would like to sing for you, a traditional Greek folk song
- Ronald Reagan You ain't seen nothing yet
- Windsor Davies Will you lot get a move on, we haven't got all night you know!
- Princess Diana Hello Squidgy Here
- The Queen Another anus horriblus
- Dennis Norden Just look at this, when a seemingly normal situation, turns out to be an utter fiasco
- Mary Whitehouse I'm not sure if we really want our children - our future generations - listening to these vulgar lyrics, and I shall be writing to the BBC to express my concern
- Julian Clary That's a very sticky moment if I'm not very much mistaken
- Tuff Cop There must be a hundred reasons why I shouldn't play this next record, but right now I can't think of any
- Victor Meldrew Oh well I suppose you'd better get on with it
- Tommy Cooper This DJ's great, aha aha, he grates on your nerves.
- Jim Bowen You've landed in music, that categories already gone, but never mind. We all like music, and does anyone really like darts anyway, so let's play it again
- Victor Meldrew For goodness sake. Oasis? Pulp? Blur? any bloody excuse not to tuck your shirt in.
- Sean Connery On Her Majesty's Service, and Licensed to Thrill
- Cher I'd like to share this with you. You know a lot of people think I'm made of plastic, but I don't make that much money from my records. Oh, you thought I was going to talk about surgery - you must be kidding!
- Tommy Cooper Aha Aha, I'm laughing 'cos I know what coming next
- Janet Street Porter I'd just like to say that this show is a load of old rubbish
- Margi Clarke Ah Girls, now if you're looking to improve your sex life then listen to this
- Mary Whitehouse What is missing here is basic moral values. It should have been cut out by the British Board of Censors!
- Mary Whitehouse The 9 o'clock watershed complaint
- Dennis Norden If you are one of those people who enjoys perverse entertainment, then listen to this
- Mexican Female Hey Speedy Gonzales, keep on playing those fast records
Tracks referring to a selection of occasions
- Marlon Brando Please be silent and show some respect to a member of the family who wishes to speak
- Rolf Harris Here comes the bride, big fat and wide Here comes the groom as skinny as a broom
- Roger Moore My lords, ladies and Gentlemen, you attention please. May we please have quiet for the official toast
- Victor Meldrew Happy Retirement. For goodness sake, I don't know why they call it happy, there's nothing happy about it if you ask me. Damn miserable I've found it in fact
- Marilyn Monroe Happy Birthday To You (Sung)
- Tommy Cooper They've asked me to wish you a happy birthday and well ... I just did ... Aha Aha
- Marilyn Monroe Hey Birthday Boy
- Vincent Price There are important special birthdays 16, 18, 21 and 40. But my favourite occasion is the only one that's guaranteed, ha ha ha ha ha
- Alf Garnett Here we are at another birthday party then. It seems he has one every bleeding year
- Frank Spencer It would be a fair assessment to say that I made a few mistakes in my time, but then, don't we all? By the way your parents wish you a happy birthday
To ease any difficult situation.
- Marlon Brando I understand that you wish to enjoy yourselves, and I am a reasonable man, but please show some respect for others, I don't want to have to deal with this myself, ..... I trust we have an understanding
- Betty Boothroyd Order! Order in the house
The bar's gonna close!
- Margaret Thatcher With proper Conservatism in power, the British Public would now be able to drink for 24 hrs a day. And I'm afraid to say that until this load of baloney is stopped, and yes this is another failing of One Nation Conservatism, it is unfortunate, but a fact, that it is, last orders at the bar now
- Mystic Meg As I gaze into my Crystal ball I predict that in a short while the bar will be closing
Idents and put-downs
- Jim Bowen You might score well tonight lads, but if you don't we'll give you your BFH, that's your Bus Fare Home
- John Cleese as Basil Fawlty Look at him eh, he's drunk already. If he can't control his drink, then he shouldn't be allowed to drink at all. If it was up to me I wouldn't let them drink until they were 25 you know. A bit more responsible at that age. I think he should leave, yes you come on. You've had more than enough. It's time you went home. Come on ... out. Yes leave ... Now.
- Dennis Norden He's wobbling, he's all over the place, the last few hours have really taken their toll on him, I think he's going, he is, he's down, but what a remarkable effort
The Buffet Break
For use when the food is ready.
- Edwina Currie Okay I know it's buffet time, but what my colleagues do not remember is that they should avoid the egg vol a vonts as it is fair to say that most of the egg production is infected with salmonella. Oh yes and avoid the beef as there is a major scare with Mad Cow Disease. And don't touch any lamb, we cannot be sure that the effects of Chenolbol have been fully cleared. While we on the subject of food, how can you be sure that the prawns are fully cooked, or that the chicken is bacteria free, oh and avoid the cheese, it has too much saturated fat. Watch the sausages as well, they may have glass splinters from the animal liberation front. In fact if you want to be safe, I wouldn't eat anything at all, and don't drink too much alcohol either, bad for the liver you know
- Lloyd Grossman / Worzel Gummidge And now to my favourite part of the evening, to taste some fantastic culinary delights. Please join me as we make our way to the buffet table to serve yourselves I'd love a cup of tea and a slice of cake
Some typically sarcastic commentary.
- Lloyd Grossman And who would dance in a place like this A bit of a dump if you ask me
- Windsor Davies If you do get into the jungle, you ought to pray that I was not there first, because deep bass and fast beats make my finger twitch on my rifle
- Victor Meldrew I don't believe it, another pint of bloody beer has nested on top of my speakers. Have people any idea how much they cost ... I mean
- Joan Rivers I just love under 18's they're so much more adventurous
The Smoochy Selection
For slowing down the tempo.
- Marilyn Monroe Hey slow down, what's your hurry, let's unwind together with a little smooth number
- Marilyn Monroe I'm sorry if it goes quiet after the next record, but I've just got to make love to this gorgeous DJ
Bits & Pieces
- Who is it? A Bits and Pieces' competition
- Victor Meldrew
- Maggie Thatcher
- Worzel Gummidge
- Claire Rayner
- Vincent Price
- Margi Clarke
- Windsor Davies
- Marilyn Monroe
- John Wayne
- Dr. Ruth